One Week Ago

The Short of It (if you don't have time for a short novel!)

Alexander Bryce Hanks
Born: June 23, 2006
Time: 5:40
At: Timpanogos Regional Medical Center, Orem, Utah
Vital Stats: 7 lbs 12 oz, 20 inches long

The Whole Story
In about half and hour it will be one week exactly since Alex was born. As I previously wrote I had been scheduled to go to the hospital to be induced on Wednesday morning but I was bumped due to an extremely high volume of people actually going into labor naturally. I was disappointed, to say the least, but releived when my doctor volunteered to induce me on Friday--his "day off," if such a thing actually exists for a doctor, exspecially an ObGyn. Friday morning, after a nearly sleepless night I got up and called the hospital at 4:30 AM. They told me that they were cleaning rooms and that they wouldn't be able to take me until 6:30, an hour after I was scheduled to arrive. In a minor state of panic I told the nurse that I would probably just head down to the hospital as soon as I was ready and wait for a room to become available. I wasn't about to let a room slip by while driving from Lehi, where I live, to Orem. She assured me that I wouldn't get bumped (really, how can one make such a promise?), but I insisted on coming in. I calmed down a bit after getting off the phone and decided to take a shower and blow dry my hair, put some makeup on and eat a good breakfast since it would be my last for at least several hours.

At 6:00 Jeremy and I arrived at the hospital. My room was ready and waiting, just as promised. Within half an hour I was in my bed hooked up to an IV drip and waiting for my Pitocin. At 8:00 they started my Pitocin drip and I began having contractions immediately. At around 10:00 they came in to measure if I'd made any progress. My cervix was still only dilated to 3cm. Now the waiting game began. At noon my contractions were sufficiently uncomfortable for me to ask for my epidural--gotta love those! Two more more hours passed with no further dilation, although Alex was in postition, and I was thinning out quite a bit. At about 2:30 the doctor came and broke my water. Soon I moved from 3cm to 5cm, but then the dilation slowed to a standstill. Around 4:45 my nurse came in to tell me that the contraction monitor was no longer picking up contractions, and since I couldn't feel anything, I couldn't tell her what was going on. They decided to insert an internal contraction moniter and an internal fetal monitor. This was difficult becasuse Alex was crammed against my cervix just waiting for his time. All of the sudden, his heart rate dropped from about 135 bpm to 40 bpm. Three nurses rushed into my room, immediately laid me down flat and gave me oxygen. They worked for an agonizing 15 minutes to stabilize him, during which time Jeremy and I both fought hard to keep ourselves under control. Finally they got his heart rate back up and decided to check if the stress had caused any change. I was at 10cm. In 15 minutes. They called the doctor, who showed up about 15 minutes later, and I began to push. After several pushes with no movement he pulled his handy little pair of forceps and yanked Alexander into the world.

This experience was so different from my first childbirth experience. Well, the labor and delivery part was pretty much the same. I reacted very slowly to Pitocin, and she also had a foreceps delivery. It's the after that was so different. After I delivered Kaitlin I was in agony. I started having violent contractions that they couldn't control. The doctor ordered an anti-nausea medication (for all of the obvious reasons) and I think it was Percocet to help with the pain. It knocked me out cold for the rest of the day. I missed everything. With Alexander, I felt great. I got to hold him as much as I wanted, I got to witness him peeing up the wall when they weighted him! It was almost like nothing had happened. Later on they moved me to my room and by the time I went to bed for the night I was able to get up and go to the bathroom nearly on my own. (The nurse had to be present for my first foray out of bed.) When I had Kaitlin I couldn't get out of bed on my own until the day I was discharged. Also I was in so much pain I had to have heavy painkillers. With Alexander I've never needed more than 800mg of ibuprofin.

I'd read all over the place that the recovery time gets shorter with each subsequent pregnancy after one's first. I wouldn't have believed it. On Sunday when we came home I had no problem sitting in a chair, walking around the house and even climbing up the stairs. It's been so easy this time. It's almost embarrassing to have meals brought in from my neighbors because I feel perfectly capable of cooking for my family and even going to the grocery store to replenish my seriously depleted pantry.

A little update on Alex: He's such a good baby! I know they all are at only a week old, but if I remember correctly he's much easier than Kaitlin was. Some of you know that I was struggling with the decision of whether or not to nurse him. I think this was the most traumatic part of having Kaitlin. I just could never get her to do it. Since I wasn't going through all of the physical travails I endured with Kaitlin, I decided to give it a go. We had success--another one of the major differences between Alex and his sister. He's also a great sleeper. Right now he had pretty long wakeful periods during the day, but he's perfectly content, and he sleeps for four hour stretches at night, so I haven't had any major fatique issues to deal with yet. All in all life is good, I've been enjoying my time with Alex so much more than I did with Kaitlin (sorry Kaitlin!), and none of my worst fears were realized. I couldn't ask for more.

PS I'm sure this post is full of typos! I only have a few precious minutes to myself and I have to feed the baby really soon. Sorry--no time to proofread!

He's Here!

Until I have time to write more about everything I thought I'd post a few pictures of Alexander.

Just a few minutes old.

Kaitlin meeting her little brother for the first time.

So peaceful! (How long will that last?)

There is no baby. . .yet!

Just a quick update. The hospital was too busy yesterday to take a voluntary induction. We're trying again tomorrow morning. I'm scheduled for 5:30 AM, but I still have to call before I go in to make sure they can accomodate me. Hope for the best, that's what I keep trying to remind myself to do!

More Wibbin

Since I'm not going to be around for the next several days, I thought I'd share the latest manifestation of K's love of "wibbin"--strands of ribbon tied around her wrist. She just loves her "bwacewets!"

Sooooooo. . .

I'm having a baby tomorrow!
Wish me luck!

Trying Not to Get My Hopes Up

Tomorrow I have another doctor's appointment. I'm going to have to psyche myself up to not cry if he says I'm not ready to be induced. I'm going on about 4-5 hours of sleep a night these days. I jsut can't get comfortable, and then my mind starts to wander. Good thing K is a good napper. I get about a 2 hour nap during the day, so that helps. I also have to get myself mentally prepared to beg him to induce me before the 4th of July weekend. Since my due date's on a Saturday and they don't induce on Friday, Saturday or Sunday, I'm not sure if they would induce me on Thursday or try to get me to wait until Monday. Oh, the torture! I'm going to make a big push for Thursday! Wish me luck!

Contractions?

I was all ready to post about my doctor's appointment Thursday which did not go at all to my liking. Since I didn't write an extremely celebratory post about having a baby next week for sure, I'm sure you can guess that I am not ready to be induced. But now here I sit having contractions. Mind you this has happened every time I've gone out this week, but, hey, a girl can hope, right? I'm on my way to lay down on the couch and see if they continue or if they just go away. I'm hoping for continue, but counting on them just going away. I'll keep you posted.


****Edited to Add****
So after I rested for a while the contractions stopped. Oh well. I have to stop expecting to have this baby this week! I could go as long as July 1. Oh, the depression!

I'm a dork, but at least I'm having fun!

Lately I've been very taken with the idea of personalized stationery. It's a romantic notion, I know, probably linked to all of the Jane Austen I've been watching and reading. People used to leave a card, like a business card, at people's houses when they stopped by. It was a way to make sure their friends knew they'd been visited even if they never saw each other. It could also be linked to the desire I have to have a written correspondence with someone. Through reading histories and biographies I've come to realize that most of what we know about people is through their letters and diaries. Although I doubt anyone will be publishing a biography ofme in the future, I like the idea of leaving a record for someone else to find. In doing this, I think it would be cool and kind of luxurious to have cards and paper that are unique to me. I shopped the Internet and found that such luxuries don't come cheap. At Paper Source they will print a set of 50 A2 folded cards (the ones that are the size of 1/2 an 81/2 x 11 sheet of paper) with plain envelopes for only $435.00. No, that is not a typo--fifty cards for four hundred and thirty five dollars. That's $8.70 per card! I've been known to spend money on stupid things like that before, but not that much money. Really, who does that? I also realized it would take me forever to get through 50 cards and I know by about the 5th or 6th card I'd be sick of them anyway. So, I started to think about making my own stationery. I bought the envelope and envelope liner templates from Paper Source because they have the cutest envelopes. But after that I began the fat and lazy phase of my pregnancy, so the desire to go any further than buying something on the Internet fizzled.

Then I read the June issue of Domino magazine. They spotlighted two stationery design companies. The first, Lovely Design, didn't offer personalized products. (I've linked them here because they have some really cool stuff to drool over!) The second, Paper+Cup, had personalized stationery at much more reasonable pricing--only $2.60 per card. Beside the fact that if I spend that kind of money on anything it's going to be on my house, I still wanted to try my hand and making my own cards! So, inspired, I decided to sit down during Kaitlin's nap today and give designing stationery a try. It's been a really fun project to work on. I'm pretty happy with the results of my first tries. I made thank you notes for Alexander, and plain notes for Kaitlin and me. Coincidentally, this has worked well into my other recent obsession with learning how to do digital scrapbooking. It's helped me learn my way around Adobe Photoshop Elements a little more--I actually taught myself how to install and use brushes (not hard and way cool!), and practiced working with layers. Anyway, here are the results. The cards are simple, but that's the trend these days, right? They do make me wonder why I ever spent so much time trying to come up with cute handstamped cards. Such a drudgery compared to Photoshopping a card! The other benefit is that mass production is no longer an issue. If I need 1 card or 10 cards I simply open the saved file and press print. Also it's very easy to change the design or color scheme. I love it! So low maintenance. Maybe I'll make birth announcements this way too!

Happiness is. . .

singing KT Tunstall's Black Horse and the Cherry Tree in the car with Kaitlin singing the Ooohoo's and No No No No's at the top of her lungs in her carseat. It doesn't get much better than that!

Thanks.

Yep, she's mine. She might actually
like "wibbin" more than I do!
(Incidentally--this has nothing to do with my post.)

Today I took the time to read and comment on everyone's blogs. (At least I hope I did. I tried, anyway!) I didn't realize how rejuvinating this could be. I get so much from reading all of your blogs. You make my laugh, you uplift me, and you make me feel like I'm not alone! So thanks to everyone for sharing pieces of your life with me and with all of your readers. The words you write are small gifts. Today they made me feel a little more alive, a little more normal, and very grateful to have this means of communication available. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

PS For those of you who are wondering what my sister looks like, look in the bottom right corner to see a little of her face! I didn't notice that!

Just some miscellany

I haven't been online much lately. It seems that I'm even unmotivated to do the things I love to do now. Actually part of it is that when Kaitlin sleeps I sleep--and naptime is usually blog time. So I have been checking in and enjoying, but, sadly, I haven't commented most of the time. There are just too many thing that I feel I have to do to do too many of the things I want to do. So, in an effort to catch up, here are a few miscellaneous little bits.

1. I went to the doctor on Wednesday last week. I didn't get to see my doctor (he was away delivering a baby), but I got to see one of his partners--the one I like. This may have been a good or a bad thing. He told me that Dr Judd (my doctor) is going to be out of town this week so that I would have to see him instead and that he would check me to see if I could be induced--something my doctor has never said to me. He's not very into inducing unless his patients go over. I thought I wasn't either, but when Dr Gordon dangled that littel tidbit in front of my face I had a change of heart. Anyone who's seen me try to walk after sitting for any amount of time will understand! Anyway, by Thursday at 9:15 I'll either be very happy or very sad. I'll be sure to report.
2. Jeremy left for Las Vegas yesterday. He has the ebay Live trade show this week. He was supposed to leave Tuesday but the printer messed up their order for the printed material in their booth. They finished their corrections on Friday but not early enough to pack it up with the rest of the booth. So he had to drive it all down yesterday. Poor baby. What would one do with a few unfettered days in Las Vegas? Sure they messed up! (Just kidding, Jeremy!) So here I sit, hoping and praying that I don't have a baby this week-- Jeremy's sort of stuck there since he's speaking and sitting on several panels. Pray that all goes well for me!
   
3. If I do get to be induced it's going to be Wednesday the 21st.
4. My house is finally coming together. Maybe I'll be able to post pictures soon. Saturday Jeremy devoted himself to getting a lot of stuff done around here. He hung Kaitlin's curtains, patched the holes left from the curtain hardware in the baby's room so we can hang new ones up higher and in the craft room. He helped me get the guest room ready for my Mom to come. It's much homier than it has been. We set up a TV and added a nightstand with a reading lamp. I'll probably add a few more things this week, and I still have some stuff to clean out, but mark down one more room basically finished! We also ordered the iron work grille to go over our fireplace. I'm so excited to get it. I'm hoping it comes when my Dad's here so he can help Jeremy hang it. I think it's going to be heavy.
5. I'm searching for a cute diaper bag. Anyone have any good sources. I really like this one by JP Lizzie, but I'm not sure.
   
6. I've been wasting a lot of time looking at this list of 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die. Have you ever seen this list? It's pretty intimidating. It also has a lot of books that I'd rather die than read (Last of the Mohicans? Seriously it's considered to be one of the worst American novels ever!). It also appears to have a slant toward English authors, something that might be kind of interesting, and could explain the bad taste in American novels. But the thing I love most about it is that it does feature a lot of literature from all over the world. Since I really like to read these kinds of "classics" anyway, I thought I'd start trying to check a few more off. So far I've read 98 of the books on the list and own another 10. Since I have a thing about owning all of the books I read, my mind is just swimming with Amazon Marketplace orders! But I won't get a head of myself. My "Books to Read" shelves are currently overflowing, so I need to remedy that situation first. In other reading news I'm plugging away at Les Miserables again. I finished Gilead and Persuasion last week (ah! to finish a book!) so I'll be doing writeups soon. Now if I can read 450 pages in Hugo's "masterwork" before I go into labor life will be good--even if I have to leave my house a mess to do it!

SLUG!

I'm still here. I haven't had a baby--yet! But I'm feeling like such a slug and sitting down to my desk causes my ankles to swell terribly! Here's a few random things. Sorry--some of them deserve their own posts, but this is all I can do right now.

1. I had a fabulous time at the blog party on Friday. It was so nice to meet all of you. You are an amazing group of women and I feel truly honored to be numbered amongst you.
   
2. Yesterday I had a very yummy treat waiting on my doorstep--cookies and chocolate from Amie! Thank you so much. The cookies are delicious (did you make them? If so you need to post the recipe!) and Dove dark chocolate is my favorite chocolate in the world. How do they get it so smooth tasting?
3. We had a good weekend. Jeremy got Kaitlin's bed fixed. One of the slats broke on the mattress support--when I sat on it! I didn't think I was that heavy! OK, so I didn't actually attach the slats when I put the bed together, so yes, in fact, I was that heavy. But anyone could have broken that bed. Not just me! Then, as some of you know, Jeremy and I have been eyeing some condos in Driggs, Idaho for about two years now. Driggs is just over Jackson Pass, about 30 minuted from Jackson, Wyoming. Saturday he happened to be talking about the condo so I suggested he call the real estate agent, Heather, who represents the seller. There was one condo left. Jeremy instantly jumped in his car, drove the four hours to Driggs, and made an offer on it. Yesterday we found out that our offer was accepted. So, it looks like by March of next year, Jeremy and I will be the proud owners of a vacation property in "The Promised Land," as Jeremy like to call it. (The Promised Land is any place bordering Grand Teton and Yellowstone National Parks, so Eastern Idaho, Western Wyoming and Southern Montana.) Jeremy siad it was the second best day of his life, since our wedding day, and the birth of Kaitlin tie for first. I'm excited because now we'll have a place for book club retreats!

Now I'm off to iron. Yes, iron. Well, maybe I'll put my feet up for a few minutes, or an hour. Maybe Kaitlin will let me sleep on the couch while she watches Dora's First Trip for the hundreth time.

Thanks for all the great comments!

I feel one more post coming on about "behaving as if," but I promise to be very economical with my words, ie I'll keep it short(er). Thanks for taking the time to read these ultralong posts and help me hash things out in such a public way. One thing I love about blogging is having input from so many people who's opinions I respect. You all are the best!

I Can't Stop Thinking About. . .

. . .some of your responses to my "Behave as If" post. Jill said that she's immature in this area because she feels like she shouldn't have to make all of the effort. Jessie echoed this sentiment and added that she's afraid that her efforts wouldn't go noticed, and that behaving as if would reinforce bad behavior. Michelle said much the same thing. I wanted to comment on these because I think they are representative of the things that keep us from treating our spouses they way they should be treated. Yes, I said should! This may sound a little controversial, but I really believe that society teaches us that we shouldn't depend on our husbands, that we shouldn't adore them too much, and that we should expect better behavior from them than we expect of ourselves. I think, even, to some extent, we are taught that we shouldn't put as much work into our marriages as we do into other things.

Behaving as if is a leap of faith. Of course there are no guarantees that it will work, nor is it the only method that should be employed. Good communication is key. I think that behaving as if can open up unexpected lines of communication. I know that Jeremy takes complaints about his behavior a lot better when he feels appreciated. I think it's important that the compliments outweigh the complaints. I hope for all of us this is not a hard thing to do. It may take a little searching, since we are cinditioned to complaining about our husbands. But I believe we can make it a habit to compliment, thus making it much more like second nature, rather than torturous task! (Unless a man is a complete jerk, the it may not be so easy to find things to compliment him on.) Some ideas of things you can compliment your husband on include, thanking him for working hard to make sure the family has it's needs met, or simply thanking him for doing the things that he always does, such as taking out the garbage. We enjoy it when the things that are considered our "duties" (whatever they may be) are appreciated. I know I take Jeremy's "duties" for granted, and that he's a lot better at thanking me than I am at returning the favor.

As for making the effort--well somebody has to begin the cycle. I look at this as an, "I'll take the high road" kind of situation. As the instigator, even if your spouse doesn't reciprocate, or takes longer to reciprocate than you would like, at least you made the effort. In doing so you will have done something proactive to increase the love in your relationship, and will hopefully have succeeded in increasing the love you feel for your husband. I also think it's important to remember that behaving as if with a certain goal in mind is almost as self-serving as constantly criticising. Sometimes the most important lesson to be learned is simply that our spouses aren't as bad as we thought. It's kind of like a gratitude journal--the more one records the things that she's thankful for, the easier it is to think of more things. In our relationships with our husbands, the more we find things to praise, the easier it will be to find more things. Again, this idea must be qualified with the caveat that some men (and, granted, women) are simply incapable of introsepective thought. They will think that they are merely getting what is their due and, as Jessie feared, this may reinforce bad behavior. Such people are called narcissists, and for those people there is little hope. If this is the case with you, then bless you! "Behaving as if" will not work, and I hope you can find a really good mariage and family therapist! But really, the idea behind behaving as if is to compliment the good things our husbands do so that they will continue to want to do them and perhaps look for ways to increase the amount of compliments they receive. Thus the bad things are ignored and may, consequently, be dropped.

Finally, for my idea that we don't put as much effort into our marriages as we do into other things. This is something that I've been thinking about lately. It has a loose tie-in to the idea of behaving as if. Last week we had a guy come to wash our windows. During Kaitlin's nap I frantically ran around my house trying to get things cleaned up. I didn't want the window washer to see my messy house. It occurred to me that I should be doing the same thing for my husband, or even more shocking, that I shouldn't care what the window cleaner thinks of my house, but I should care a lot about what my husband thinks. Another incident from last week was Jana's birthday party. I took the time to plan a menu, prepare the main course, and make sure everyting looked inviting for the guests. Although it was not my greatest effort (things take me a lot longer these days!) it was still heads and shoulders above what I have been doing for my own family. Lately by the time Jeremy gets home, the house is a mess, nothing looks inviting, and I already have it in my mind where we're going to go to eat. Until last week I don't think I'd prepared a meal at home that wasn't macaroni and cheese, peanut butter and jelly or cold cereal in over a month. This brings me to the point I'm trying to make. We often behave as if people who are not as intimately connected to us as our husbands are more important than our spouses. We are much more concerend with impressing people who could really care less. We should, I should, behave as if my husband is the person I care most about impressing. It's just another way to show our husbands that we love them.

One final word--I am by no means perfect at this. I'm not even very good at it. I'm sure Jeremy would love to post a comment to reassure you all that you are not alone in your feelings of inadequacy in this area, because he lives with one of the most inadequate around--especially now that I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant, hormonal and crying all of the time! It is, however, a philosophy that I have given a lot of thought to. The trick to success in this area is to be consistent, which means I have to alway be on the lookout for new things to compliment Jeremy on, and to remember to actually verbalize my thoughts and feelings to him. It's hard, hard work. Most of the time I fail miserably. But in thinking about "behaving as if" I become more conscious of when I don't succeed, and can recommit myself to showing Jeremy just how much I appreciate him. So don't get down on yourself for having reservations about this concept. We all do. The important thing here is to learn to love your husband for who he or she is, to let yourself find adoration for him, and in turn let him come to adore you. I know this sounds very old fashioned, perhaps even manipulative. I prefer to think of it as gaining an understanding for my husband's needs and making sure thy're met. After all, people are basically the same as they were twenty, even forty years ago. We all want validation and appreciation. We just need to remember where the appropriate places to find these things are.

PS For everyone who has commented on The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands--I love it too. I've been thinking about reading it again. Hannah, I'm impressed with how much you look through it! It has such an unfortunate title, though. I think it puts a lot of women off. Too bad, because there is a lot of good information in there!